Our life now

My testimony

I grew up in a christian home with Godly parents and was never around drugs or alcohol until I was a teenager. I drank here and there starting at about the age of 14. Then when I was about 16 or so I smoked marijuna for the first time. Thru out my teenage years I wanted to be in the cool group so I compromised alot of things. Those morals that had been instilled in me as a child never crossed my mind. At the age of 21 I was introduced to Lortabs by a boyfriend and immediately became addicted. At first though it wasn't a real big problem because I only took them on the weekends and I could walk away from them with no problem. However by the age of 23 I was pregnant with my first child, Jalen. After he was born his father left us and I was all alone and begin to use Lortabs more frequently. Because of my choice of lifestyle I put myself in many dangerous situations and was raped a few times and became a very angry and lost woman. By the age of 28 I was pregnant with my second child, Elijah and still unmarried. In August of 2003 I received some devestating news that sent me into a downward spiral real fast. To cope with all the pain I had built up inside of me I begin to take Lortabs everyday. That was all I cared about from the time I got up until the time I went to bed. When Elijah was about 1 month old my mom discovered my addiction and took me to a psych ward to try to get me some help. However I didn't want help so therefore I didn't get any help. I stayed in the psych ward for 24 hours and then called my dad to come and get me. We were all searching on getting help and my parents who had never had to deal with anything like this were just as lost as me basically. That morning that my dad picked me up from the hospital we went to the methadone clinic to see if they could help me. I remember pulling up into the parking lot and people were literally jumping out of their cars and running inside of the building. So me and my dad meet with one of the workers there and she was giving us the information we needed and was about to get me starting on a 'treatment plan'. However the director of the clinic asked if she could talk to us for a few minutes so I knew she was going to probably just tell us about the cost and answer our questions. Little did I know that Jesus had intervened right then on the spot. The director of that clinic who's job is to 'sell' the product so she can get her money sat me down and began to talk to me and I was in total shock at what I was hearing. Basically she told me that I didn't want to take this path b/c I would probably never be able to come off of the methadone and even admitted to me and my dad that basically it was just one drug replacing another so therefore it wasn't going to get me off of drugs. So we left and came back home. I promised my parents that I wouldn't do drugs ever again and that I had learned my lesson but I had no idea just how big my problem was at that time. I begin to steal tons of money and other things from my parents to support my habit and I didn't care that we didn't have any food to eat and was about to be homeless b/c all I cared about was ME ME ME. I had no conscience at all and I always would blame everybody else for me being on drugs instead of taking ownership of my problem. This went on for about 12 years and I wanted so bad to be a 'normal' family again but I had done so many bad things to my family that none of them wanted to even be around me. They loved me b/c I was their daughter and sister but they didn't like me. By about October of 2009 I wanted so badly to not be a druggie and not continue to disappoint my family everyday that I began to try to take my own life. The devil had me convinced that if I was just out of the picture they could go own and have a decent life. How selfish was I???? By December 2009 after my 4th attempt of suicide my brother and sister stepped in and did what my mom just couldn't bear to do. They told me that I HAD to get help or they were threw with me. My sister mentioned Alabama Teen Challenge but when I found out that it was a year long program I was adament that I was NOT going away from my kids for a year. What sense did that make...I was willing to leave them forever but not go and get help for a year! Crazy! So one night I began to pray and I asked God that if it was mean't for me to go to Teen Challenge that I wanted Him to send me a sign to let me know. And boy did he ever........not even 24 hours later my mom who doesn't even normally answer the phone at her job b/c she cleans teeth she's not the receptionist just happened to be up at the desk and saw on the caller id "Alabama Teen Challenge" so she answered. On the other end of the line was a student who was simply calling to make a dental appointment. So my mom and her began to talk and she shared about how much Jesus had used ATC to save her life and that I definitely needed to come. So my mom having no idea of my prayer to God the night before calls me up and begins to tell me about her conversation with this girl about ATC. I didn't even say anything to her I just hung up the phone b/c right then I knew that was my sign and I was mad about it. So on January 6, 2010 I entered the program not for me but b/c I felt like my family was forcing me to go but deep down inside I knew I was in the right place. During my time there I struggled very bad b/c even though I was on drugs I had never physically left my boys and it was killing me to be away from them. Here I was in the middle of no where with a bunch of women that I didn't know and all I had was Jesus. But that's ALL I needed. After a few weeks when I finally said ok God I'm willing to accept your help if you are still willing to help me and immediately I felt like a prisoner that had been set free. God began to show me things on a daily basis and I began to see just how bad off and how close to death I really was. But what really got my attention was my first Wednesday night there a group from Freedom Ministries came to do chapel with us and the preacher who had no clue who I was or what a mess I had made of my life called me out and this is what he said to me. "The devil has been trying to take you out for years and he almost did. But it's not about you anymore the devil wants your kids now he wants to take your spot and if you sit back and go back to your old life that's just what he will do." I got so angry at satan at that point b/c I saw him and his scams for what they really were. I got out of the program in August 2010 and on January 6, 2011 I celebrated my one year of being drug free. I am amazed at how much God has done for me. The relationships with my family that I had destroyed God has restored them back to me. But most of all He spared my life and He didn't have to do that for me but He did and I'm so thankful. I can tell you this though that I firmly believe that it was because of my mom's prayers that God answered that I'm able to tell you about this on today. She NEVER NEVER NEVER gave up on me. I would beg her to please stop praying for me so I could sleep at night and she would just say no Rachael you are my babygirl and I will NEVER stop praying for you. It has been a long hard road that I made for myself and it's a daily struggle to stay clean but I refuse to give up my spot to satan and I know that I know that God has a huge purpose for me and I'm ready for it! If you are reading this and you have an addiction of any kind don't think you are in a hopeless situation b/c God is no respector of persons and what He did for me He will do for you as well but you do have to be willing to submit and let Him work in you. If you are a parent of a child with an addiction please don't ever give up on them and keep praying b/c even when it seems like your prayers are not being heard let me just tell you that God hears each and every one of them and He will in time give you your desires. As of today I am so thankful to be able to still be with my children and be their mommy and to have my family back. Jesus is ALL powerful and there is NO mountain to high for Him you just have to keep the faith. God bless you!

Our life now

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

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